8 months have passed since that day in August 2007 when I heard the dreaded "M" word ECHO over and over loudly in my head.
Yeah you guessed it..MALIGNANT!!
It has been about 8 months since surgery and 12 weeks of chemo poisoning and I feel GREAT physically!!
I SURVIVED!
Then without warning it hit me HARD! My emotions were out of control. And I had no idea why this was happening!
I am the happiest I have ever been in my life because I SURVIVED cancer!! Nothing will ever make me happier!!
I thought....
I cried off and on (mostly on) for about 2 week straight. I started losing my temper for no reason at all.(thats bad) I have a very bad temper which I learned to manage years ago. (It is a very ugly thing BAD tempers)
Anyway.... During the first week of the two I realized I was a WALKING TIME BOMB! And the scarey part is I still didnt know why!! The following week I looked up to scream at GOD and as I screamed "WHATS WRONG WITH ME"?? "WHY GOD"? "WHY ME"? "WHY,WHY,ME"?!?!?!?
It is then that I saw it...
The" IMPENDING CANCER DOOM CLOUD" hanging over my head!
Soooo now..
I find myself in another FREAKING BATTLE!! (good thing I know how to FIGHT LIKE A GIRL) HaH!
Thanks to H.O.Y.D. I found the resources I need to go into battle armed and DANGEROUS!!
NOW I am learning to understand and manage the FEARS and major ANGER issues I am now feeling. I dont like that "F" word (fear) so I refer to MY fears (theres that "F" word again) as the "IMPENDING CANCER DOOM CLOUD" hanging over my head. For me calling it that instead of "fears" (theres that "F" word again) I feel gives me more power to lift the "IMPENDING CANCER DOOM CLOUD" from over my head. It has not overwhelmed me (but has came pretty close at times) and it does not rule me. It will never rule me!! BUT its
putting up a HELL of a good fight!! hahaa! BUT compared to what I endured during my BATTLE to BEAT the cancer MONSTER the "IMPENDING CANCER DOOM CLOUD" it left with me is only the MONSTERS cloud and NOT the MONSTER! I know that since I have been attacked by the cancer MONSTER and even
though I kicked the MONSTERS ass (because I FIGHT LIKE A GIRL) the "IMPENDING CANCER DOOM CLOUD" that it left will ALWAYS be hanging with me for the rest of my life. I know that it is not possible to totally eliminate the "IMPENDING CANCER DOOM CLOUD" and I have accepted that fact. So I have
allowed it to hang WITH me but NEVER ever OVER me!!
Luv,
Rhonda AKA RhonDaWg with 1 HeadLight
I was driving here in Meridian today, after picking my son up from his social skill's class.......he has Austism. I was behind this truck at a light that had Hoydsurvivor.com written on it. I was curious and looked it up when i got home and that is how I discovered this site. I am not sure exactly what it is, but being a mom of a child with a disability.....I can use a site like this. It alway's helps to read inspirational stories and to know that your not alone in some of life's challenges. We are lucky here in Idaho because Autism is becoming more and more understood and there are a lot of resources out there, that even 8 years ago when my son was first diagnosed, were not available. I hope that we can raise awareness here so that people with Autism are more socially accepted. They look and even act just like everyone else. They are not easily recognized by people, that do not understand the disability, and this makes them a target for being treated very unfairly. Anyway,I will definately check back to this site and will continue my blog and share my story more when I have more time. Thanks for reading:)
